Triplet Princes and a Princess

Triplet Princes and a Princess

Our journey to hearing with Cormac while living our life with triplet boys and a baby girl.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Aquadoodle...a new favorite word

If you don't know what this is and you have children you should invest in one. We haven't played with it in a while and I am wasn't even sure if the boys remembered what it was called. I was WRONG. Today, I am in the playroom and Cormac is pointing and saying something. And I mean, he was really trying to say what he wanted. I wasn't really paying attention at first and then I realized he was saying AQUADOODLE!!! It wasn't exact but pretty darn close. I couldn't believe it. This is a four syllable word and he got all four syllables! He was so stinkin' happy when I took that Aquadoodle out he couldn't contain himself. I also think he was feeling a bit proud because he told me what he wanted, I understood and gave it to him.


My week went something like this:

Monday: Holiday. Up at at 6am after no sleep. Home from shore by 10am. Go to parade and have lunch. While everyone else naps I have to do the grocery shopping.

Tuesday: Art Class at 10am. Clean house, do laundry from long weekend, get dinner ready because I have to be at CPR training from 6-10:30 which means leave the house by 5 and get home at 11

Wednesay: Normally, I would take Cormac to school but I was too tired. Went to Stroller Strides Class at zoo. Came home, cleaned house (again), did more laundry, had CPR training again. Home at 11

Thursday Have meeting with Cormac's teacher and case worker from the county. Have to develop plan for next 6 months of what we (me and Frank) would like to see him accomplish. Tonight I have to head to Staten Island for My Lil Tees business.

Friday: I plan on going to the grand opening of my friend's Stroller Stride francise in Hoboken to lend some support. I am also donating a t-short for the raffle. Good for business. Friday night I have plans to go to the movies with the girls.

Saturday: Tommy, Juanita and Corinne are up from Texas. We are going to the beach to spend some time with them.

So, I will not have been home one night this week. Somewhere in these days I still had to take care of the boys, plan ahead and start packing for the weekend, do some shopping, continue to clean the house, make breakfast, lunch and dinner and countless other things I do in a single day.

Bottom line.... I am exhausted. I am still paying the price of going out on Saturday night and not sleeping. This week would have been a cake walk if I wasn't sleep deprived. I have to admit I can no longer function after only get two hours of sleep. Funny, some how I functioned for months when the babies were born with NO SLEEP!

I should probably be sleeping right now but instead I am posting on the blog.

On to a different topic, Cormac's IFSP went great. He is doing wonderful and continues to progress as he should. He is really starting to use 2 and 3 words together. My personal favorite? "daddy, stinky poops!" Hmmmm... .where did he learn that from???

The boys all call each other by different names. I guess that can't say each others names yet so it comes out differently. Here is the run down:

Colin calls himself "Ollie", he calls Ciaran "ree ree" and Cormac "mickmack"
Ciaran calls Colin "ol" and calls Cormac "mimmack". He doensn't call himself anything.
Cormac calls Colin "olin" and calls Ciaran "earin". He calls himself "mickmack"

I wonder if any of these nicknames will stick. I have to say I find myself calling Colin "ollie" and Ciaran "ree ree". Not sure why but I do. I call Cormac Big Mac.

My Lil Tees has a new look. Please check it out and remember to pass it along to friends and family. We have added a bunch of new options for personalized tees, onesies and hats. We are very excited to start marketing to the boutiques. We should be ready to start shortly. If you know anyone who would be interested in selling our wares at their store please feel free to have them contact me directly.

Oh, one last thing. Today while I was vacumming I had the boys downstairs with me. They were playing in the living room while I was cleaning the kitchen. Even with the vacuum running I noticed it was suddenly tooooooo quiet in the house. I look into the dining room and GONZO! We had three escapees... They got the slider open and let themselves into the backyard. If you would have seen them take off. They were all barefoot and in their jammies. They ran to fast. I know they can't get out of the yard or hurt but I still would not let them unsupervised in the yard. The only safety hazard is the deck stairs (and of course the loving bombs the dogs drop!). But by the time I saw them they were already in the grass. I wish someone else could have seen them. They were so happy!

I think that is it for now. I am too tired to think of anything else!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

It's been a busy week

We headed down to the beach for the long weekend. We are so fortunate Maggie lives so close to the beach. Now, if I can just convince the boys to sleep past 5:45am it would be great! I don't know why but they get up so early down the shore. At home, they are never up that early. I wouldn't mind too much but we went out on Saturday night and didn't get to sleep until close to 3am. You do the math! Not alot of sleeping going on.

Trish, Dan and the kids along with Cailan came to meet up on Sunday. We all headed to the beach. Seven kids and four adults. I know what some of you are thinking. Doesn't sound like an enjoyable experience. I wasn't too sure myself as we made the the short two block walk to the beach. But as it turned out it was awesome. Frank and I were actually able to sit down in chairs while the boys played in the sand! This is a huge change from last year when sitting was not an option. Granted, the water was freezing and no one wanted to go into the water but it is a step in the right direction. Ciaran, Colin and Cormac just played in the sand and with each other for over 2 hours. The only fly in the ointment was we had to LEAVE the beach at some point. I let the boys stay up past their nap and they were not really into leaving. Colin was wonderful and just hopped in his stroller. As long as he had his sand truck. Ciaran was crying and wanted to walk and push the stroller. Not too bad but it's hard to have him walk and push a triple stroller when you also have beach bags and chairs. Cormac, well, he was a total disaster! He was screaming crying "ocean, ocean, ocean". I swear, all I wanted was for this boy to talk. I am so happy he can. And even in the midst of a minor melt down all I could think of was "I can't believe how well he says 'mommy ocean'!!" and "mommy walk" and of course "mommy down!" Yes, it was not so great he was crying and upset but I really didn't notice. All I could hear was the sound of his voice adamantly telling me he did not want to leave the beach and was not happy!

On Monday we came home early to avoid the traffic. We went to a Parade in town and the boys were fascintated by all the trucks, sirens etc. I wasn't too sure how Cormac would do but once again, he just went with the flow and seemed to really enjoy it.

I took a ton of pictures and created a slideshow. I am glad I took all these pics because my camera broke on Sunday night. I am so pissed but I knew it was going to break soon. I guess I will just have to get a new one!

Here is the slideshow. The pics are from Friday night at dinner and the rest of the weekend at Maggies

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Article written by Mom of a deaf child

This was sent to me today. I thought I would share it with others. I think at one time or another all parents have experience the feelings she shares in this article.

From world of silence to high-tech hearing
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Huntsville Times
Complete silence. Can you imagine? Turn off the television. You probably can still hear the refrigerator hum in the kitchen.

Insert earplugs. You can still hear your own breathing.

But for 12,000 children born deaf each year in the United States, there are no lullabies, no birds singing, no comfort from mommy's voice.

Just silence.

Silence was the world of our daughter, Riley, until she was nearly 2 years old.

We had suspected something for a couple of months, but we preferred to embrace denial.

How could anything be wrong with our sweet baby? Family and friends said there was no way she could be deaf. She turned her head toward us, she responded appropriately, and she babbled.

She was so good at feeling vibrations and reading our faces that she had all of us fooled.

May 7, 2003, changed our lives.

Grief, guilt and anger

"She's never heard your voices. She doesn't even know her name."

The audiologist's words knocked the wind out of us. We were devastated and in shock. Even though we had concerns, we weren't ready for the diagnosis. Our perfect little girl was deaf - severe to profound hearing loss.

Our hearts were crushed. It was like the child we thought was ours didn't exist.

Grief hit us hard. All the songs we had sung, all the "I love yous" we had whispered - she had heard none of them. That was the hardest thing to take. Did she even know we loved her?

Then came the guilt. How could we not know that our child was deaf? We knew people wondered that about us, and some even said it out loud. We just didn't know. How could this have happened? No one in our family was deaf. Was it something I had done while I was pregnant? Had we done something wrong after she was born? Why had we waited so long?

The anger was next. Why had the nurses dismissed the second failed hearing test so easily? Why hadn't her pediatrician noticed anything? C'mon! A little help here, please?

Finally acceptance came. We channeled our guilt and anger into providing Riley whatever she needed to hear and communicate. We set up appointments with a geneticist, an Auditory-Verbal speech therapist, an Early Intervention specialist, our insurance representative and an ENT surgeon. The time for tears was over. We looked ahead to Riley's future with our chins up and shoulders squared.

Cochlear miracle

Two weeks after her diagnosis, Riley was fitted with high-powered digital hearing aids, and she started A-V therapy, which teaches children to listen and talk.

We also met with a geneticist at the University of Alabama at Birmingham, who told us after testing that Riley's hearing loss was caused by the Connexin 26 gene. Both my husband and I carry mutations of the recessive gene. Finding out the cause was a relief, and knowing it wasn't our fault freed us from a lot of our guilt.

After seeing that the hearing aids were not powerful enough, we began the process of getting a cochlear implant. On Sept. 16, 2003, Dr. Audie Woolley at Children's Hospital in Birmingham did the surgery. On Oct. 9, 2003, our little girl heard our voices for the first time.

I wish you could see the video: She turned bright red, looked around, found us and started clapping and laughing. It was the most amazing thing I've ever witnessed.

Five years later, Riley has two cochlear implants and is about to finish kindergarten. She understands almost everything, and her language skills are catching up with normal-hearing peers. She plays soccer and softball, loves playing with other kids and loves to read.

Our daughter is a normal 6-year-old - she just has some colorful ear accessories.

Tiffani Hill-Patterson is a Times copy editor. To read more about her family's journey, visit Reach her at tiffani.patterson@

Cormac's hearing loss was diagnosed very early but they had a hard time confirming the diagnosis. I think back to the first year of his life and I get so upset knowing he heard NOTHING. I can't imagine how lonely that time must have been for him. I know in my heart we did everything we could for him as soon as possible but I wish it could have been sooner. I wish he could have heard my voice before he was 13 months old. I wish he could have heard the laughter and joy in our voices because of him (and his brothers). Most days I try and not think about it. I focus on the present and the amazing future ahead of him. But there are always those days when it creeps back into your head. When I look at pictures it is the hardest because I see how small he was and just thinking he would be laying there with no access to sound just breaks my heart.

He is one smart little cookie who says new words every day. I can't imagine what he would be saying if he had heard for those first 13 months.

At Cormac's group class on Wednesday we discussed Fish Oil for speech development. I started giving it to the boys a while ago and really noticed the difference. Below is a link to the product we use:

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Tour Bus Stop

This morning we had art class. Since it is so close I took the stroller instead of driving. We were walking on a semi busy road and a Senior Citizens bus was driving past. The driver literally stopped the bus and all the old folks on the bus were waving and yelling "hello" out the windows. It was so hilarious. Sort of reminded me of the bus tours in Manhattan. I can hear the tour bus leader giving the tour "and on your left is a set of triplets being walked in a stroller. Yes, the are all boys, no, they aren't identical, yes their mom's hands are full and she is busy all the time, yes, she sleeps at night because the boys sleep at night" Ha!! It was so funny to see them all staring out the bus windows. I was in a good mood and so were the boys so we all waved like the good performing circus show we apparently are!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Random pictures from the weekend

Check out Colin sporting my wedgie sandals. They go great with his look, don't you think???


Now watch him get around in them. I swear he could play baseball in heels!


They are all yelling "DADDY" in this picture. You can see how delighted it makes Frank in the background


And the rare shot of me and the boys. I am never in the picks since I am always taking them

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Sunday, May 18, 2008

The last few days.

These past few days have flown by. Friday we went to a new playgroup. The boys had so much fun playing with their friend Kennedy. This is the same Kennedy from art class who Ciaran kissed at the last class. They all call her "nennedy". Super cute. Saturday we were out of the house all morning because Frank was working on the the basement. Yep, he's still working on it. It was supposed to be done before winter (ahhh, last winter) now it was supposed to be done for Mother's Day. Hmmmmm, maybe NEXT Mother's Day! Anyhow, since he was going to be tied up all day I took them to Stroller Strides in the morning and a craft fair in the park.

Today we were all up and out of the house by 8:30am. Headed to Lowes for some new garbage cans. Yep, we live an exciting life! But you know you need new garbage cans when the garbage men ACTUALLY take them with the garbage! Now, I did sort of run one over with the van and it had quite a few holes.... We get all the way to Lowes and take all the boys out and they were CLOSED! I totally forgot in Bergen County you can shop on Sundays. We only went to Lowe's to avoid Home Depot. But you know where we headed next? You guessed it? The frigin' home depot. I would not get out of the car and just sent Frank in for the cans. He got us two of the ugliest, industrial looking garbage cans. I mean, they are only cans but man, they are the worst I have ever seen. I think I can run these over and they still wont break.

We headed to the zoo after. We screwed up with Lowes and don't you know, we get to the zoo at 10:10 because it opens at 10am. WRONG! They now open at 11 on Sundays but their website has yet to be updated. Now, we had to wait 45 minutes with the boys asking why is wasn't opened. We did the zoo with no stroller. This was a first. The three amigos walked the entire zoo holding our hands. I was so impressed with how well they did today. We took a ride on the train. The new carosel opened and we rode the carosel. They LOVED it. Cormac cried so hard when we got off the carosel. He wanted to stay on.

On to something funny. Well, at least I think it's funny. Colin is obsessed with trucks. However, when he says truck it doesn't quite sound exactly like truck. I know you are all thinking it sounds like the "f" word. I would be happy if it did. What he says ryhmes with sock and starts with the letter "C". If you remember his other favorite word is dirty. So, he walks around all day saying "dirty *ock". We went out to dinner on Friday and in the restaurant their were pictures of trucks. He proceeded to say this over and over again while Frank and I nearly peed our pants. He also like to say BIG truck. You get the picture. Sounds more like he has the mouth of a truck driver! Hopefully, he will get the TR sound soon!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

You never know what tomorrow brings...

I half expected to find someone's crib in a state of disgust but to my pleasant surprise I was greeted only by smiles and "hi mommies" this morning. No cribs to clean, no emergencgy baths. Just our usual selves. Which of course means they are back to being crazy. Cormac still isn't quite up to par so he is a little slow and mushy. We ate some Cheerios and milk. We had some juice. Even some pizza for lunch and I am keeping my fingers crossed. I decided for the weekened I am just going to feed them really fattening foods since they all look skinny to me from not eating for days on end.

So, after my unexpected morning I got to thinking. Like the title of my post says "you never know what tomorrow brings". You can always hope for the best but sometimes it might not quite work out that way. But you can count on tomorrow to bring you something entirely different. I think that is how I want to enjoy my life. Just living for the days and hoping for more tommorrows. I don't know nor can I predict what the future holds but the little tomorrows sure are wonderful. Even the tomorrows filled with poop and puke are better than no tomorrows. And when I look back most of my tomorrows have been filled with hope, love, joy and happiness. Sure, some days I know what tomorrow will bring if I have something to attend but I don't really mean appointments or school or classes. I mean the time we get to spend with our family and friends. The unexpected little wonders that occur daily in my life. Just today Cormac said the work alligator as clear as can be at the zoo. That was a great moment. Just today Ciaran and Cormac held hands in the car on the way home. That was a great moment. Just today I brought the boys into my bed and we all cuddled for an hour. That was a great moment. Just today Colin said "daddy does stinky poop". That was a hilarious but great moment.

What does it all mean? I think I will live for today and look forward to all my tomorrows regardless of what they bring because at least I have another tomorrow!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The poop and puke continues

I woke up this morning to hear Ciaran saying "poopy mommy". I go in to get him and pick him up and realize I put my hand in poop. He had pooped so much it soaked thru his PJ's and was all over his crib. It was disgusting. As I am trying to figure out what to do next Cormac says "Yucky Mommy" and I look in his crib and he had puked all over his crib. I have no idea how we did not know he thru up. I guess he did it early this morning but wasnt too upset because he never cried or made a peep. The rest of the day wasn't too bad. Ciaran hasn't pooped again and their has been no more puking. Colin is on the mend because he wanted to eat today. I took Ciaran to the doctor because he really hasn't eaten much and I was afraid he would get dehydrated. He lost over 1/2 pound. Ciaran is already my skinny one. He does not need to lose any more weight. I think he is also feeling better. He ate some dinner and it didn't come back out (yet). Cormac is still under the weather but since he got it last he will be the last to get better.

I feel so bad for them when they are sick. I just want to be able to make them better but I can't. One highlight to them being sick?? I don't really have to make any meals for them!! I am hoping tomorrow we are back on track. But you never know!

Monday, May 12, 2008

One Pooper + Two Pukers= A lot of laundry!

Well, Cormac finally puked this morning. I knew he would not escape this illness. Ciaran continues to poop like nothing I could ever imagine. Colin has puked since yesterday but he hasn't had anything but toast and pedialyte. I feel so bad for them. I have to say other than the fact I know they are sick and I don't ever want them to be sick today has been one of the most relaxing days. We are all just laying around on the couch. They aren't running around or playing like crazy. We didn't go out and usually that means they get a little stir crazy. Not today. Colin slept until 8. Got up for an hour and went back to sleep until 11:15. Got up and went down again at 1 and slept until 3:45. Ciaran took a three hour nap and Cormac, is still sleeping (it's 4pm and he want down at 1!)

So, yes there was a lot of cleaning up bodily fluids but the flip side is we really snuggled a lot today and that is always the best. As I type this Colin and Ciaran are downstairs with Frank laying on his lap watching Noddy. Laying down and watching TV NEVER HAPPENS IN THIS HOUSE. These boys are much too high energy to sit to watch the TV. When they do watch tv which is very rare they watch it as they are doing something else. Now, that could be playing, jumping on the couch, wrestling. You name it.

Strange how you would think a day like today would be awful but really it was so nice. Maybe I really have lost my mind (LOL)

Here are some pictures from Mother's Day.

Trisha and the kids

It is now 8pm and everyone is asleep. No more puking and Ciaran has actually stopped pooping. I am hoping it is the end but since Cormac just started I am not so sure.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Murpy's Law!

Having triplets I always tell myself don't get over excited about an event or going somewhere because then if it all goes haywire you won't be dissappointed! Luckily, I followed this advice this morning. Here is how the day started:

Boys were up early. All climbed in bed with me and actually said Happy Mother's Day or some version of it. They were extra huggie and kissy. We had breakfast and played and all was well on the homefront. Dressed them in the extra special Mother's Day outfits because we were going to be photographed for The Mother's Day Project. A local photographer photographs moms and their kids for part of an online art show. He donates his time and we were lucky to get a spot. The kids were in a GREAT mood. We drive their and just as I am about to park the car Colin pukes all over himself and his extra special mother's day outfit and the car. Not wanting to give up I forge ahead and manage to clean him up and the puke and he actually looked perfect. You couldnt even tell except his shirt was wet but it was drying quickly. I am psyced now. Colin is fine and clean everyone is smiling let's go take some pictures. We get to the studio and try to walk in the door. I have no idea what the hell happened next. Colin and Ciaran start FREAKING out saying "NO NO NO" They lay on the floor and say "outside". Cormac was going with the flow at this point. We take them all outside in an attempt to regroup. The photographer comes outside with us and tries to take a few photos. Ciaran and Cormac at this point are happy and sitting on my lap on a bench. Colin just refused to come near me. He wanted to be with Frank but Frank was not in the picture. (remember, the MOTHERS Day Project). The lure of lolipops after about 10 minutes got Colin to come to the bench. He took a few shots and we attempted to go inside again to no avail. I have no idea what the pictures will look like but I am sure they suck! But hey, what can you do. I have to admit I was a little disappointed but I know Colin didn't feel well and they are three two year olds. It is hard to predict what will happen. THat said, it is totally out of character for them to be unhappy. THey usually are laughing and smiling. I guess they weren't feeling well or something.

The rest of the day went off great. I hosted and we had a great time. Colin had one more episode of puking. And it was MAJOR. He didn't seem to mind and kept on going after we got him in some clean clothes.

This is my third mother's day and I still can't believe it. Time sure flies. I will post some pics tomorrow. Too tired tonight.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

I am a sap

Today I took Cormac to school. Maggie stayed with Ciaran and Colin and Robin relieved her. I leave Cormac for 2 hours but stay in the building with the other Moms. When we went back to get the kids they usually did some type of art project. Today it was for Mother's Day. It was a beautiful poem with his hand print. I nearly lost it in the school. I started crying like a baby! Just typing this I could cry thinking about it. I can't believe how emotional I get from the smallest things when it comes to the boys. It had his little hand print on it. I tried to read it to Frank over the phone and got hysterical all over again. He told me he would see it when he got home so I didn't crash the car crying! Who knew I would become such a sap?

On a funnier note, I have been thinking about all the things I say in a day. Some things I repeat several times. Most things I say I would never predicted would EVER come out of my mouth. I thought I would compile a list of quotes I have said and share it with you all.

"Stop touching your brothers penis, you have your own" (Never thought I would say this!)
"Don't let the dog stick it's tongue in your mouth"
"Dont stand on the table"
"chairs are for sitting" (this one is constantly repeated since apparently I gave birth to monkeys and not children)
"I can seeeeee YOU"
"Give it back to your brother, he had it first"
"Do Nice"
"Cormac, your ears fell off" (I don't mean his actual ears but we call his implant his ears, even though we are not supposed to)
"Colin or Ciaran can you put Cormac's ears back on?" (They try and are just about to be able to do it)

"Please don't put your finger in the dog's butt" Yep, these words have come out of my mouth. Never in a million years did I think I would ever say anything close to this statement!

I know there are plenty more but they are escaping me at the moment. I am tired and thinking I just need to crash.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

It's been a few days

I left the boys from Friday at nap time Friday until Sunday night! Actually, they were sleeping when I got home so I didn't see them until Monday. This was the first time I have left them for longer than a day. I missed them terribly but I think I needed some time to miss them and have them miss me. When I finally saw them on Monday it was so awesome. They were totally excited to see me and the hugs and kisses were better than ever. Where was I? I went to Chantilly, VA. Not the most exciting place on earth but I was there for a reason. I have become a Stroller Strides instructor. Now I can work out and bring the boys with me. Couldn't be a better fit. I worked my butt off this weekend. I was so sore from working out so much but it feels good.

Frank was solo with the boys. They all survived and had a good time. I was a little nervous leaving them but I knew they would be fine. I talked to them on the phone and they actually talked back.

I met some amazing and inspirational women this weekend. All were Moms who wanted a way to stay home with their children and help other moms stay with their kids while they work out. I am so glad I attended the training.

I swear in the two days I was gone they boys started talking more. It's all two words together now. I have been waiting for this to happen. Cormac is even stringing two words together. The phrase of the day? "more bus". They wanted to see more buses. It has been repeated over and over again.

Art class was this morning and as usual we made a mess of ourselves. Which means we had fun. I will be picking up our first project on Wenesday and will take some pics and share.

Cormac lost a magnet off his implant in the car on the way to art class. you would think I could just find it. No such luck. I spent their first our of nap time searching through the van for this frigin magnet. It drives me insane. I decided I might as well vacuum while I am looking for it. I COULD FEED A SMALL COUNTRY WITH THE AMOUNT OF FOOD I CLEANED OUT OF THE CAR!!! THis is no joke. Between the carseats, the floor and the back where I put the strollers it was an endless supply of food. At least I know if we ever get stranded and I haven't cleaned the car in a while we wont starve to death! I have never been known to have a clean car but this is ridiculous! Anyway, I found the magnet in the garbage bag I hang in the car. Lord knows how it got there but at least Cormac will be hearing in stereo again!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Batteries + the Toilet

Just in case you are wondering they are not a good match for each other! Colin (also known as the child safety lock master) let them all into my bedroom while I was in their room getting socks. In less than a minute they found old batteries in the garbage basket and had them in the toilet. Ciaran and Colin's sleeves were soaked up to the elbow. Cormac was not involved in this incident. Luckily, I got there before they flushed. I had the unfortunate task of battery retrieval.

We had a great therapy session with Cormac. He is really coming along. Starting to string words together. I try and be tough on him and make him talk for what he wants. Most days I am successful. Other times, it's just hard for me to always have him "perform". Sometimes I think to myself "If I were him, I would need a little down time". So, I ease up a bit.

Speaking of down time, I am going away tomorrow without Frank and the boys. I wish it was for fun and excitement but I am going to become a certified instuctor for Stoller Strides. This is my first time leaving the boys for longer than 24 hours. I will not see them from 1pm Friday until Monday morning because my flight doesn't get in until later on Sunday. I am not one to stress about leaving them but for some reason I am a little anxious about this trip. I know they will be fine and they could use some quality time with Dad. (He will be flying solo for the weekend) It's just so strange to leave them. I am excited for some time alone and to get my certification but at the same time have mother's guilt! I know, silly, but this is my reality. I just keep thinking they will wake up 4 times and I won't be there. Will they find this upsetting? Will they ask for me? Is it better not to call them and talk to them for fear the will freak out? What will their little minds be thinking when I am gone for so long? Will the think I am never coming back? Will they be mad at me when I do come back? The questions are endless and I have to say until they are older and can understand when I leave I will always come back it is tough to leave for a long period of time. Don't get me wrong we have left them but when they were younger I think they didn't really know? Now they can ask for me.

I have been giving them a little pep talk all week long and encouraging them to be their wild and crazy or maybe even wilder and crazier selves while I am gone to Frank gets the full impact of being alone with them for a few days.

I think I need to go away to be able to miss them. It will be like a tune up. Rejuvenate me until the next time, if their is a next time!