Looking back before Cormac could hear.

As I mentioned before, I was asked to be a guest parent speaker for the Summit Speech School fundraiser. I was asked to also get a few pictures together to show during my talk. So, last night I was scrolling through all the pictures I have taken and trying to pick out pictures that defined our journey to date. I was caught quite off guard at how emotional this made me. Tears were streaming down my face as I looked at the first year of life of my children. But, to think that Cormac didn't hear anything. Didn't know we were whispering or talking to him. DIdn't know the sound of our voices or his brothers voices or anything. Man, it just really got to me. I just keep thinking what was he thinking? I mean, he seemed like the happiest child and never seemed to care. I guess it was his normal. But as a parent, it really hurts. I know it was only a year, but when you see how much we did in a year, well it really hits home how much he was missing.

It was reassuring to see this, however. To KNOW we made such a wonderful decision. Before he could hear he missed out on a lot with his brothers because he didn't know they were doing something. To see him today, actively participating or being the ring leader of the three, well, I could cry over that too! It's what I wanted most for him.

I also was watching tons of video clips of him when he first started hearing. There is one of him when he is signing "duck" because he recognized the work duck. He had only been hearing about 8 weeks. To watch it makes me cry. He has come so far that I almost forgot what it was like before he could hear. I don't ever want to forget how far he has come. But on a day to day basis when he is talking in sentences as long as 7 words, well you tend to forget a short 18 months ago he couldn't even say "duck".

There have been so many little moments that have added up to the big picture. But it's important to remember the little moments.

This journey we are travelling has been so rewarding. It's something I would never change. It makes Cormac who he is today. Yes, I wish he heard us when he was little. Yes, I wish he didn't have to have surgery. Yes, I wish he could hear when he is in the water. NO, I wouldn't change a thing about him!

Update on our new addtion some exciting and some not so good news :(

We found out Monday our latest addtion is a girl. We are excited and scared. Can you imagine this poor soul trying to get a date when she has three older brothers? The way the ages work out they will be seniors when she is a freshman in high school. She might think she is the luckiest girl alive if all the senior boys are hangin' at her house. BUT her brothers might not like it too much. Anyway, she will be well spoiled, loved and protected.

While we were able to find out about the sex of the baby they also noticed something on the ultrasound. It appears the baby has a cleft lip. I was totally not prepared to hear anything bad. I was alone at the office because no one could go with me. All the wind got knocked out of my sails. The joyous news of a baby girl was overshadowed by the news of her lip.

We really won't know anything much for a while. The baby is still so small it's really hard to tell how involved it is at the moment. At this point they don't think the palete is involved. I am praying it is just the lip. It will be monitored by the perinatologist and will have to see a pediatric ENT, a pediatric plastic surgeon and a host of other specialists.

I know in the grand scheme of things it's not that big a deal. Things could be worse. But it doesn't seem to make it any easier. No one wants to learn their child has something wrong. No one wants to find out months before their baby is even here that she will have to endure surgery when she is only about 3 months old. SHe might need more than one surgery.

I am in the why me? stage right now. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I do. I felt that way for a short time when Cormac was diagnosed as deaf. It took a while for the shock to wear off and then I dusted myself off and charged ahead. If you read this blog you know the outcome. Cormac is amazing. I have dedicated every waking moment to making sure he has a postive outcome. More than I think anyone realizes because no spends the entire day with us. I wouldn't trade it for the world but it's not always been an easy road. With two others requiring the same amount of time I walk a fine line balancing the needs and wants of all three without making anyone feel left out. I think I do a pretty good job at this but who knows? Maybe some day Ciaran and Colin will say I spent more time with Cormac. I hope they realize it was all in the best interest of our family.

I just keep thinking about how much one person can do. I am only one person. I still have years of making sure Cormac is getting all the support he needs. How will I now have a baby who will need lots of doctors appointments and more care than your average newborn? Can I handle it? God only gives you what you can handle. I am thinking God thinks I am better equipped than I am aware.

I was so excited when I learned I was pregnant with this baby. I would get to enjoy just being pregnant. Triplet pregnancies are filled with fear and worry. You spend the whole time counting the weeks to make sure your babies can survive. Make sure they stay put long enough to avoid long term disabilities even though you have NO CONTROL over any of it. You don't get to really enjoy being pregnant. At each doctor visit you are reminded of the doom and gloom. Just make it to 24 weeks and we can "try" and save them. Make it to 28 weeks and the odds go up. Make it to 30 weeks and my doctor said he would do back flips. You know what? He still owes me some back flips. I cooked those suckers until almost 32 weeks!

I was on bed rest for 12 weeks. I was hospitalized more times than I can remember. And I didn't even have many complications. I thought this would be different. I thought it would be smooth sailing. Now, I am worried to death. I fear for what will happen. I am just plain ole' sad. I know I must sound selfish right now but trust me, in a few days I will rise up and start planning our future. I will find the best team to treat her and start making decisions. Just like I did with Cormac. I will pray for some guidance because for some reason this is throwing me for a loop.

Please say a prayer for our little girl if you could.

We should all be this happy in life....

Everyone should have something that makes them this deliriously happy. We don't know why Cormac found this particular scene on Kipper so funny but we all watched it about 25 times in a row just to hear this laugh!

If you don't know Kipper he's one the Sprout Network. Our boys watch very little TV but when they do it is always the same shows: Caillou, Kipper and Noddy

It's strange because Kipper is an English cartoon and the dog has an English accent. He was actually laughing at Pig and Arnold in this episode. You will see I took video of the TV. I played him this video this morning and he had the same reaction and started laughing all over again! The boy in the red robe and PJ's whose butt keeps coming on screen is Colin. You will notice him launching himself off the back of the couch.

Watch the whole thing to really hear him laugh especially when you see the pig on the tv listen to him in the background.



SO, now that you watched it. Can you think of something that makes YOU laugh that hard? Or makes you THAT silly and happy?

For me, it's getting to watch the silly and happy moments my boys enjoy. I get to see life through the eyes of three two years olds. They still see the wonder of the world. They still still think life is simple. They are happy to be kids and happy to do kid stuff. I think it's great to get to look at the world through their eyes once in a while.