I am not sure why this has been on my mind lately but it has me wondering if perhaps I am the exception to the rule. When I think about Cormac and Ciaran and their hearing loss I am 100% ok with it. I honestly never have a day when I think any differently. I never wish Cormac wasn't deaf or Ciaran didn't have hearing aides. It is who they are and I think it would change who they are if I removed their hearing loss. Perhaps it has a lot to do with how fine they are with themselves. They take pride in who they are as individuals. They proudly rock neon earmolds or attach Mine Craft accessories to their devices. Maybe it is because we have had nothing but positive experiences. Maybe it's because I don't perceive them as any different than Colin. If I was granted three wishes form a genie I can tell you I would not wish for Cormac to hear or Ciaran to not need hearing aides.
I sometimes think maybe I should want it to be different. Does it make me seem less caring than others? Do people think I might love them less because I would not change anything? Would a better parent want to take this away from their child? If you know me you know I love my kids to death. I have fought for them since the beginning. I love them no matter what. I would NEVER want their lives to be harder than anyone else. I would NEVER want hem to be unhappy. I would never want to see them struggle. I want their lives to be filled with only love and happiness. I think as their Mom I am doing my best to give them all the love and happiness they deserve.
What I see every day are happy, healthy, well adjusted kids. I see just turned eight year olds. I see no limits to their futures. I listen to my deaf son sing all day long. I listen to the boys talk and talk and talk ALL DAY LONG!! Sometimes I think I think the talk too much :) I watch then run into school because they love it. I watch them on the playground or baseball field or soccer field or at gymnastics and not once does it cross my mind that it should be any different.
I do still find myself in awe of them. I think about how I would have felt as a child and be "different". I don't think I was as confident as Ciaran and Cormac. I love that just this morning Cormac said to me "Mom, last night at baseball Joe told me I was very cool". I said "why did he say that?" Cormac says because he said to me I know you wear those to help you hear but how do they stick to your head?" When Cormac told him and showed him the magnets the boy said it's totally cool you can do that"
I still get overwhelmed with emotions once in a while. I am sort of used to the whole "triplet thing" by now but certain times just get me. At their communion when I looked up at the altar and THREE of those adorable kids singing were mine, well, it brought tears to my eyes. It is a reminder when I see Cormac SINGING the loudest how different things could have been if we had not decided to implant him. My main goal when he was diagnosed as deaf was to have him to be able to go to school with his brothers. I never wanted him to be singled out and feel like he wasn't one of the group. Moments like that literally take my breath away and I wonder if I just appreciate it a tiny bit more because I know what it took to get him up there singing his heart out. He makes it look so easy but looks can be deceiving. He worked his little butt of for years and continues to do so. It is part of him and I would never want to change a single thing about him :)
