The Sweater

Frank has one sweater he has had forever. He rarely wears it bacause it's very heavy and it makes him hot. He usually brings it out every March since it's a nice Irish sweater. I love this sweater because he looks so handsome when he wears it but everytime he puts it on I get a flashback. It only last a minute but I can't get the memory out of my head.

I went into preterm labor with the triplets at 20 weeks. I was in the hopsital for contractions when all hell broke loose. So many doctors and nurses it was hard to comprehend what was happening. It went from contractions to a full blow emergency in a matter of minutes. They wound of bringing me to labor and delivery and I was put on Magnesium Sulfate. I would not wish this on my worst enemy. It's pretty much torture. You basically can't control your muscles. I could barely focus my eyes. It made me vomit. It made me feel like I was on FIRE even though it was not hot.

I kept asking for a fan because I was so hot. Fans are hard to find in a hospital. I remember looking over at Frank standing beside my bed and saying "I am sweating to death. I can't take it". Ths coming from a person who is ALWAYS cold. I look up at Frank and he is wearing this sweater. He was also wearing a hat. He is ALWAYS hot. I remember looking at him and thinking how on Earth could he not me sweating? He looked like he was shivering and I was practically naked begging for a fan!

It was right about then the doctor came in and starting explaining the situation in more detail to us. SHe was NOT my doctor but one of the residents. She starting telling us how if the labor didn't stop "they wouldnt take any life saving measures for the babies because I was too early (20 weeks)" She continued on giving us grim news and Frank said "that is not going to happen. Our babies will be fine". And she responded in a very unsensitive voice "you need to be prepared for the worst". She left shortly after.

I looked over at Frank, all bundled up in his sweater and hat and saw a single tear trickle down his face. Frank never cries and makes a point being OK even if he isn't because it will make me feel better. It broke my heart to see it because I knew how badly he wanted to make it all better but there was nothing he could do. He didn't want me to suffer the effects of the meagnesium but he knew there wasn't any choice. I wound up on Magnesium for over 12 hours and it didn't do much. I wound up taking Indocin which worked it's majic.

When it was all over and they sent me home I made a point to let my OB know the resident who talked to us would not be allowed in our delivery. I don't care what the rules of the hospital were.

So, every time Frank puts on that sweater I am instantly back in the hospital living in that moment. But I LOVE that he still wears that sweater. It is a reminder of what wonderful man I married. It makes me love him more for being who he is and KNOWING our babies would be just fine.