We found out Monday our latest addtion is a girl. We are excited and scared. Can you imagine this poor soul trying to get a date when she has three older brothers? The way the ages work out they will be seniors when she is a freshman in high school. She might think she is the luckiest girl alive if all the senior boys are hangin' at her house. BUT her brothers might not like it too much. Anyway, she will be well spoiled, loved and protected.
While we were able to find out about the sex of the baby they also noticed something on the ultrasound. It appears the baby has a cleft lip. I was totally not prepared to hear anything bad. I was alone at the office because no one could go with me. All the wind got knocked out of my sails. The joyous news of a baby girl was overshadowed by the news of her lip.
We really won't know anything much for a while. The baby is still so small it's really hard to tell how involved it is at the moment. At this point they don't think the palete is involved. I am praying it is just the lip. It will be monitored by the perinatologist and will have to see a pediatric ENT, a pediatric plastic surgeon and a host of other specialists.
I know in the grand scheme of things it's not that big a deal. Things could be worse. But it doesn't seem to make it any easier. No one wants to learn their child has something wrong. No one wants to find out months before their baby is even here that she will have to endure surgery when she is only about 3 months old. SHe might need more than one surgery.
I am in the why me? stage right now. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I do. I felt that way for a short time when Cormac was diagnosed as deaf. It took a while for the shock to wear off and then I dusted myself off and charged ahead. If you read this blog you know the outcome. Cormac is amazing. I have dedicated every waking moment to making sure he has a postive outcome. More than I think anyone realizes because no spends the entire day with us. I wouldn't trade it for the world but it's not always been an easy road. With two others requiring the same amount of time I walk a fine line balancing the needs and wants of all three without making anyone feel left out. I think I do a pretty good job at this but who knows? Maybe some day Ciaran and Colin will say I spent more time with Cormac. I hope they realize it was all in the best interest of our family.
I just keep thinking about how much one person can do. I am only one person. I still have years of making sure Cormac is getting all the support he needs. How will I now have a baby who will need lots of doctors appointments and more care than your average newborn? Can I handle it? God only gives you what you can handle. I am thinking God thinks I am better equipped than I am aware.
I was so excited when I learned I was pregnant with this baby. I would get to enjoy just being pregnant. Triplet pregnancies are filled with fear and worry. You spend the whole time counting the weeks to make sure your babies can survive. Make sure they stay put long enough to avoid long term disabilities even though you have NO CONTROL over any of it. You don't get to really enjoy being pregnant. At each doctor visit you are reminded of the doom and gloom. Just make it to 24 weeks and we can "try" and save them. Make it to 28 weeks and the odds go up. Make it to 30 weeks and my doctor said he would do back flips. You know what? He still owes me some back flips. I cooked those suckers until almost 32 weeks!
I was on bed rest for 12 weeks. I was hospitalized more times than I can remember. And I didn't even have many complications. I thought this would be different. I thought it would be smooth sailing. Now, I am worried to death. I fear for what will happen. I am just plain ole' sad. I know I must sound selfish right now but trust me, in a few days I will rise up and start planning our future. I will find the best team to treat her and start making decisions. Just like I did with Cormac. I will pray for some guidance because for some reason this is throwing me for a loop.
Please say a prayer for our little girl if you could.